The Puff

I can't stop being nice.Which has put me in trouble many times.there are people who are in trouble and by seeing and knowing their problems,I can't stop myself helping them.I try my best to help them in every situations,In every circumstances but they take so easily which frustrates me every now and then.Meanwhile i have even hurt myself by helping those people.Once few months back i had lend money to one of my colleagues.he said me he had a problem and assured me to return within 3 months.I without hesitation lent the money.It's almost a year that he has not returned my money but makes lots of excuses. In fact i am

feeling embarassed rather than him to ask my own money.However i can't stop being nice. There was also a moment in my college where some students used to come regularly to study.But many students were in a class so they should stand or go out of the class.I saw them,felt that they are good students,they wanted to study and i used to keep seat for  them,for few days they came to study regularly but as time went by they didn't came to the college.Before,while talking, they used to say that they have some problems and due to
this very reason they could not attend the class early.I've been so close with them, In fact that was only my misconception.They have used me,my genuineness,my loyalty, for their betterment.
I felt bad,felt lonely. I used to smoke but it was way back that i'd stopped smoking.However due to loneliness and frustration i began taking puffs.I felt good,every puff used to satisfy my frustration.I began thinking that I've someone who is better than physical and live friends.After last puff from that cigarette i again came to my normal life i.e the same frustrating life,thinking of that old people whom I've helped and their light behavior towards me,which fueled my anger every now and then.
I am cool by my nature.So,i don't show or do any act which is going to harm me or any other person.But deep inside i am hurting myself more often.
Smoking Is Injurious To health.
-Moin Uddin,Ghattekulo,Kathmandu